Monday, May 25, 2015

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (I may have used this before)

No good deed goes unpunished. 
My mom and mother-in-law are now both in Assisted Living and we've been left to pick up the rest.
My mom wasn't much help.  She just would say, "I'm not fighting you on this."  My MIL seemed at the time to be easy, appearing to be more engaged in the process.  BOY WAS I WRONG (more to follow)

My sister came from Florida to help with the rummage sale at the beginning of the week and my other sisters at the end of the week.  There was a week or two before she came, when MIL could come and get anything else she wanted.  We told her, the apartment needed to be cleaned out by the time the professional cleaners came to clean.  According to her lease, her rugs need to be professionally cleaned.  

We told her there was going to be a rummage sale.  For two days, my sister and I cleaned out everything, much of it was stuff that never should have been moved there in the first place.  We priced it, got it ready and hauled it for the all city rummage sale.  There was a pile of stuff, much of it glassware and bric-a-brac. We sold $500 of stuff for her and deposited in her bank account.  What didn't sell at the rummage sale (stuff from mom, MIL and me) was donated to Flight for Life organization.  

 There is leftover furniture that we are trying to sell for her.  I have been dealing with crazy people on FB sale sites.  I don't know why I am putting up with the aggravation.  During this process, she would say "take what you want."  We kept a bed and a sofa that she has no room for and rescued her Longaberger baskets in case she changes her mind and wants them.  She left them behind. 

To add insult to injury now she is talking about how people have been steeling her stuff.  My poor mom is having to listen to all of this.  She will say to me how she told her sister, "I wouldn't have been able to do it without you,"  then turn around and say something completely different.    My husband is ready to kill her.  He has cleaned up after her now twice and will have to do it one more time.  I think when she leaves Assisted Living to either go to a Nursing Home or the ECU (Eternal Care Unit), he will just call someone to haul it all the way. Cloths she had agreed to send to St. Vincent, she pitched a fit and has gone through bags. 

Her other son from Atlanta is here to help with the final clean out.  He took her back to the home town today, I'm sure he's getting an earful.  His wife won't come up to help.  She only comes once every two years or more.  

My mom says to give her back everything.  My husband says she doesn't have room for it.  I'm  tired of the whole thing.  I have tried to do the right thing.  It would be a shame to just throw everything out but, she would have complained about that.  I know that it is a difficult process to go through and someday I will have to do it.  I hope I drive my kids crazy.  

Venting complete....some catharsis.  

I've have been trying to get some stitching done.  There is a lot of stitching in His Eye is on the Sparrow.  

I think I'm going to take a break from it for a little while.  I had to fray check the bottom edge because the serging is coming off.  

Hope you have having a wonderful weekend.  Is it matricide if you kill you MIL?  My husband tells people, "I have a wonderful MIL.  My wife's MIL is a bitch."  and with that thanks for stopping and 

Keep on Stitching


  1. Tough situation, but it sounds like you did everything correctly and your heart is in the right place. There's no pleasing some people. Just hope that she'll soon move on from this and complain about something else. Your stitching is beautiful. Keep it up. It can be a great stress reliever.

  2. WOW! I can so relate to your situation on so many levels! I often find myself saying "no good deed goes unpunished." I have begun downsizing my home and possessions just so I am not faced with this situation later

  3. First let me say that watching your progress on the 'sparrow' piece has been an inspiration and I mean that!!

    Second, the hardest part of dealing with dementia (early or later) is there is no way to "reason" with the loved one. I'm assuming you're dealing with early dementia because they become angry and/or argumentative. Hang in there. You are a wonderful daughter and DIL!!

  4. Lovely progress on your stitched piece :) I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it can't be easy.

  5. I'm a new reader but I just wanted to leave a comment to let you know that I went through the same thing with the now-ex-husband's mom and it was horrible. It was over 5 years ago and she still brings it up at every opportunity. I feel your pain, but like an earlier comment, it was an early dementia sort of thing and the reasoning is useless. We eventually just had to keep apologizing but knew in our hearts that we did the right thing. Sending you good thoughts!

  6. Your Eye is on the Sparrow piece is looking great. Know that you are doing ( or did) the right thing on her behalf. Thinking of you during the difficult time. Hang in there!

    Robin in Virginia

  7. Sympathetic hugs from another one who has been down that road.

  8. You can only do the best you can, and so much to help.
    Hope everything quiets down for you soon.
    Eye is looking great.

  9. His eye looks wonderful. We are dealing with so much the same problems as you. They are NOT FUN!!!! We got a call very early one morning form the skilled nurse center saying that my step-mom accused an aide of running over her foot. They could not find any damage or bruising at all. What a fun wake up call.